And the most important.

Why. Why?

“Why” is the word that questions others’ authority and stakes a claim for the person who asks it. “Why” is a claim of authority. “I have the right to ask why.” “If you are telling me something or asking me something, I have the right to understand how it relates to me and my world.”

Kids at the so-called terrible two’s show this in the most obvious way. They start with no. This can be the first word to use because it creates a space of safety. Some parents see it as defiant, but it’s not so much defiant, as it’s notice of a boundary. It’s a statement of autonomy, or sovereignty. It’s a “stop” or a pause. Experienced negotiators see no as the beginning of real negotiation. They don’t mean to overcome resistance, but they see no as the pause that creates the safe zone for further connection.

Of course “no” can be the full stop. This can be made obvious with energy, tone of voice, and context. No can mean “NO!” The speaker is always in authority and that authority is to be respected. “No” sometimes means there is no space and a profound boundary to be respected by others.

As a parent I heard my share of “no’s”, but I don’t think I ever really considered it defiant. I’m not sure if I was lucky in my children or it’s because I’ve got authority issues myself. I really hate arbitrary authority – and I never wanted to have it for myself over anyone else, including my children. I can relate to everyone and anyone who has ever cried out “you’re not the boss of me”. My parents were not authoritarian. They pretty well trusted us to do the right thing, but they were confident enough, that we would come up with the right thing, or learn in the process.

As a parent I thought the “two’s” were kind of cool. This little human being with the big brain was growing and evolving. But again, easy kids?

I was no saint and got into trouble with my parents at times, but apart from some occasional rowdiness in class, in school, I was a kid who didn’t cause much trouble. Perhaps the freedom I enjoyed, allowed me to be comfortable in my authority, not having to openly challenge authority – except in my head. But I held strong opinions and was very comfortable disagreeing profoundly with convention, experts, or tradition. I was always searching for the “why”. I still am.

I think I also realized that a lot of people don’t really know why, or seldom think about it. They just go along without questioning. But “why” is the most important word. It brings awareness. It takes thinking beyond the reflex response to a situation or question. It shakes things up. It is the next step beyond “no”. It invites interaction and connection, but there is a definite edge to the word. It’s a challenge.

Good teachers are not afraid of it. Teachers will often say that nothing helps you learn more than teaching something yourself. And the reason for that is “why”. If the student asks it or even when she doesn’t, a good teacher is always asking herself “why”. I know every teacher has had the experience of understanding something fundamentally for the first time after being confronted with a “why” that she had never asked herself in the same way before.

“Why” is the word on the lips and in the mind of every true revolutionary. Revolutionaries like Picasso and Einstein. Not political revolutionaries, who often simply want to start a new status quo.

But “why” is a knife that can cut both ways. It can be used against the people who challenge the status quo. Why is Newtonian physics not good enough Mr. Einstein? Why do your paintings of people not look like any people I have ever seen Mr. Picasso?

The difference is that Einstein and Picasso were not afraid of people asking them why. I suspect they liked it. As well they should. As we all should.

“Why” is the beginning of expansion. The beginning of evolution. “Why” is the irritation that can lead to the beautiful pearl. “Why” is messy. It upends the neatness of the status quo. “Why” can be a real beginning that launches us into the future. I have a big exploration of “why” coming up in the blog here. The “BIG WHY”. The ultimate “WHY”. Coming soon to Mashup Soup.

“Why” searches for meaning. It searches for context. “Why” searches for purpose, which opens up broad fields of further questions. Why? Where does that fit? How do those connect? “Why” can never be answered in isolation. “Why” can never be answered by a simple word or phrase. Any answer to “why” always leads to more questions, as any good answer should. “Why” is often a glorious, messy and awkward beginning.

Authority figures may say “because I said so” in answer to “why”. Could there be a more distasteful and disrespectful answer to the question? To any question?

That answer seeks to remove or deny the authority of the person asking “why”. But that dismissive response confirms the danger and defiance built into “why”. But life must embrace that danger and defiance. Claim your “why.” It is yours to hold and use as you see fit.

This is all going to lead to a future blog post. The Meaning of Life. Really.

We are here to change the world.

It’s time.

Begin.